A Series of Unfortunate Events

All of our stories begin in darkness with our eyes closed. And all our stories end that way, too, as we utter our last words before slipping back into darkness and silence.

Character: Lemony Snicket

I have to retrieve the sugar bowl, then I’m going up to the roof to retrieve the Medusoid Mycelium, then I’m going down to the lobby to poison everyone, then I’m going back up to the roof to escape the authorities. It’s a lot of ups and downs, but hey, so is life.

Character: Count Olaf

Justice is out. Injustice is in. That’s why they call it injustice.

Character: Esmé Squalor

Revenge is like making sausages. If you do it right, you can ruin someone’s breakfast.

Character: Esmé Squalor

Laws are like sausages. If you learn how they’re made, it can ruin your breakfast.

Character: Klaus Baudelaire

If everyone fought fire with fire, the world would go up in smoke.

Character: Violet Baudelaire